This week, E-Pop! comes to you live from Booth 11 at Cafe Luxembourg, which for the two of you who don't know is located on the currently embattled Upper West Side (more on that) of Manhattan. E-Pop! is drinking wine to ease the shock of newspaper headlines.
Kosovo! Shark Attacks on a honeymoon couple in Australia! TV actor suicide in Las Vegas! Post Clinton malaise! Worst of all, Susan Sarandon getting arrested while holding hands with Al Sharpton!
We couldn't explain this week to you if you paid us. And you don't.
Still, from out of the darkness comes a little light. This is E-Pop's Kosovo Denial Issue, live from New York (beating Oprah and Jay and Dave on their "road- tour-to-boost-May Sweeps- ratings" by about a month).
E-Pop! felt it necessary to send in air troops to support the Upper West Side (UWS) after Amanda Hesser, a reporter for the New York Times, published a scathing attack in last Sunday's "Styles" section which referred to the UWS as "one big mall."
She said it is too suburban, the people are cheap and there's no place to go out.
From his perch atop the most exclusive apartment building on the UWS, Jerry Seinfeld, the master of his domain, wrote a rebuttal to the editor defending his part of town.
Coincidentally, E-Pop! spotted Jerry walking down Broadway with his married girlfriend (not that there's anything wrong with that). Anyway, Jerry looked like he went to the Jerry Seinfeld shop and told them to supersize it. He wore a crisp clean new baseball cap, clean white sneakers and jeans. Bizarro Jerry.
After spotting Jerry and then quickly surveying the Barnes and Noble, Eddie Bauer, Tower Records, Starbucks, Disney Store, Banana Republic, Baby Gap and Fotomat which all converge on Lincoln Center, E-Pop! had no quibble with Amanda Hesser dumping on the still beloved West Side.
Not only do we agree with her, we don't think she went far enough. The problem with Amanda Hesser is she once dissed someone she shouldn't have.
One of the E-Pop! founders is an obsessed chef stalker, just so you know and don't pull that again.
Now for our bad pop culture segue of the week.
How Do You Handle A Hungry Man?
With glorious Swanson, of course. This month marks the 45th anniversary of the Swanson TV dinner, with over 160 million served in one year alone. Creator Gerry Thomas will commemorate the event by pressing his handprints into cement, alongside an aluminum tray, outside of Mann's Chinese Theater.
This event celebrates Swanson for all of eternity, which is slightly longer than the shelf life of the Fried Chicken and Mashed Potatoes dinner, the one with the birdnest of peas and carrots in the center.